I thought “How is this possible?” I felt that my heart would break from the pain. I buried part of myself. The only thing that I could do was to hide in my Father’s arms. It was only there that I could find solace.

My name is Agnieszka. My husband Marek and I are parents of eight children, five of whom are already in heaven. The eight years of our marriage have been marked with difficulties. However, time has shown that each tragedy experienced with God would sooner or later turn into a blessing.

I miscarried our first child just a few months after getting married. Franciszek was 12 weeks old. I went to hospital for what was referred to as a ‘miscarriage in progress’. I remember that I was kneeling in pain in the waiting hall of the emergency ward and no one was reacting. It was only when Marek kicked the door down and made a scene that a torniquet was found for me. The rest of my stay is not worth describing. After a few weeks of waiting, we finally got back the remains of our baby. Marek carried him in a small box to the cemetery while I held white tulips. He was the only one of our miscarried babies who received a formal burial.

I thought then: “How is this possible?!” I felt that my heart would break from the pain. I felt that I had buried part of myself. The only thing that I could do was to hide in my Father’s arms. It was only there that I could find solace. From that time on I started to have a different perspective on life: having a child was no longer something that could be taken for granted – it was something (or someone) that (or who) was important for us. We began to look forward to the gift of bringing another life into the world with expectation and longing.

I felt, however, in my heart that with the arrival of another child would come another set of difficult choices. During my next pregnancy the doctor gave me the following diagnosis: ovarian cyst rupture (a diagnosis which later turned out to be inaccurate). The diagnosis was followed by two sleepless nights on constant painkillers, which did not bring any relief… I arrived at hospital at the last minute with two liters of blood in my stomach… I went straight from the street to the operating table: ectopic pregnancy with a ruptured fallopian tube. That is how we lost little Karol…

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