The rapper’s conversion

Very soon I got addicted to spending time in chat rooms. On my communicator I had over 260 people, from whom I expected interest, acceptance and love.

My name is Maciej and I come from Bydgoszcz, in Poland. I have lived just outside of Poznań for the last two years. I would like to share what happened to me in 2006, when a meeting took place that completely changed my life. However, before I write about it, I want to tell you what my life looked like before this event.

I come from a Catholic family. I am grateful to my parents for Christening me and for making sure that I made my First Holy Communion, and that I received Confirmation. In retrospect, I can say that at that time I had no idea what these sacraments really meant. They are huge gifts that had to mature in me. I know that my parents gave me everything they could for me to have a happy childhood. And yet I was missing something.

After some time, I could not imagine a weekend without a party, and a party without alcohol

When I went to study at a trade school, I experienced a different world. Parties and alcohol started… I did not notice how much these things were gradually taking over my life. After some time, I could not imagine a weekend without a party, and a party without alcohol. I drank a lot in those days. I did not want to be the odd one out in the group, but also I got drunk to “boldly” approach girls and invite them to dance. Then sometimes I heard them refuse with words that hurt me deeply: “I will not dance with you because you are too fat, because you are drunk” etc. I was laughed at, rejected… I did not have a hierarchy of values, I did not know who I was… Arguments with my dad only made matters worse. I took up doing rap to see if the girls would show any more interest in me, but again this did not seem to offer any real solution. All this went on for about three years. I decided to escape somewhere, where no one would judge me by my appearance or by my way of life. I escaped to the Internet. I did not have internet access at home then, so I used Internet cafes. Very soon I got addicted to spending time in chat rooms. On my communicator I had over 260 people, from whom I expected interest, acceptance and love. In this way I misrepresented my life: I wrote lies about myself in order for someone to tell me that I was cool, that I achieved something, that I was someone… In this way I wanted to meet a girl who would be interested in me, who would show me love. But then I associated love only with sex. I didn’t know how much I was mistaken… When I was meeting the girls I had first met online, my lies would come to light. And again, rejection, which was followed by pain…

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